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my motherhood

All week I have been contemplating what my post for Mother’s Day was going to be about. What words of wisdom or moments of reflection would I share with all of you? Then it kind of hit me, I don’t have any. Really though. I am so deep in the middle of my motherhood, that I can’t see the end from the beginning. Everywhere I turn there are babies crying, or toddlers screaming, or 7 year olds sassing me. The background music of my life is Mickey Mouse club house. Haha there is currently no time for reflection of any kind at all. I am in mommy survival mode. That mode where you metaphorically put your head down, (you can’t actually put your head down because somebody would get hurt or you would look up to your whole house would be destroyed) and keep pushing through. That sounds bad, like I don’t enjoy it or it is all terrible. That is quite the opposite of how I feel. I actually love it. I love the chaos and the endless amounts of love and kisses, but it is hard. Very hard. It is a grind, and I constantly have to remind myself to make sure and take enough mental pictures so I have them saved in my mind for when this beautiful, messy faze of life is over. This is it, this is motherhood. It is sleepless nights, worrying all the time, packing lunches, making bottles, picking up messes, kissing cheeks, changing diapers, drawing baths and driving carpools. It is not glamorous. It is messy. Then, Just when you think you definitely can’t do it anymore, one of those little humans you made look up at you with their big blue eyes and take your breath away. They are worth it. Of course they are. They need you. Something about that simple fact, and the knowledge that it won’t always be that way, keeps you going. It helps you be a little more present and a little more gentle when life feels overwhelming. Someday they won’t need you, at least not like this. Someday you won’t be covered in baby paraphernalia and smell like spit up. Someday you will wear real clothes and fix your hair. Someday you will sleep in again and someday you will miss this. You will really, really miss it. So although it is busy and crazy and stressful, it is the only place I would want to be. Right here on the floor, being climbed on by tiny humans, in the middle of my very own motherhood.

Girls

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